Raspberry Juice

She was standing in the window. Cold wind was brushing her hair, temples, breasts, arms…

„And what if?” „She hesitated and looked down”. She felt a bit dizzy. The view from the 11^th floor was staggering. Beneath her feet was stretching the entire city bustling with nightlife. It made her feel sick. Beads of sweat appeared on her forehead. She run to the bathroom to get rid of everything that was choking her. Holding her face in the toilet bowl, she felt she will throw up all her intestines. She closed the lid, flushed the water, and pressed her forehead against the seat. Her entire body was trembling.

The draft of air was circulating in the apartment. She dreamt about feeling warm, wanted to nestle into the warm duvet, just to feel good, to forget about everything. But she kept tormenting herself.

„Open it, Aśka.” She heard a loud scream and the beat of a fist landing on the door.

„Aśka! I know that you hide in there!” But her boyfriend, or an ex-boyfriend, did not want to give up.

She couldn’t care less about him. He went silent when she told him about her pregnancy. And handed her a white envelope with some money inside after several days. „Do it and let’s forget about everything.” He sad with such a cold and alien voice she will never forget until the end of her life.

Now she was sitting completely alone in her empty apartment enveloped by a whistling and cold wind. She was torn and very unhappy. She couldn’t imagine her future. Alone with her child? How?

„Get out of here!” She jumped from the toilet bowl and dashed to the door. She started to sob and scream loudly to a man behind the door, a stranger to her now. „Out! I don’t want to see you again! You only needed me for one thing!” She kept sobbing, letting out her anger.

„Do you want my father to know? He will destroy me!” „Open the door, we’ll speak as normal people!” The boy was not going to surrender.

„Are you only interested in your daddy’s opinion?” „You are a miserable and proper prick! Disappear from my life. I will have this baby, whether you wish it or not!” She just wanted to stay alone. She was craving for peace and quiet. And at the same time, he disappointed her so much. She thought that he loves her. He said so many beautiful things to her, made so many promises.

„You are such a silly goose! You will regret this! You will see!” She heard a powerful kick on the door, and the following footsteps receding into the elevator. She cried. Oh please, just tell me it is a bad dream.

She stood up, her legs wobbling. She came over to a window again. Cool air slapped her face.

She leaned out exceedingly far. She was now on the verge of life and death. It would be enough to lean out a bit farther. She closed her eyelids. She was afraid. She was afraid as never before. Everything depended on her. On the moment, the impulse, the final decision.

„Hey! What are you doing?!” She heard a young boy screaming.

Come back to your house, or you will catch cold!” Said the young man again. She laughed at that. For the first time she simply laughed. His concern and innocence amused her. She wanted to kill herself, but he was worried about her catching cold.

„I will come over to you again, I have some raspberry juice.” He said as if nothing had happened. „It will warm you up.”

She stepped back instinctively. She felt as a young child brought to heel by its parents. She did not know why, but she wanted to meet him.

He quietly knocked at her door. She opened it. Aside from the raspberry juice he held a pair of tissues in his hand. So he wasn’t that stupid. He knew exactly what she had been up to.

„Let’s begin with closing the window, it’s freezing cold in here. And then you will tell me everything quietly.” „The neighbor smiled warmly.

It didn’t matter that she is third month pregnant with a boy who turned out to be a total scumbag. It didn’t matter that her close family wasn’t around. It was important that her guardian angel stepped in at the last moment. She didn’t feel lonely. And even though she didn’t know a person defending her against herself, it was enough that he stood next to her. More than enough.