Small Hands

„Stop! Something just flashed in front of me!” I screamed to Thomas.

Thomas pressed the brake pedal obediently. The car slowed downed so abruptly that I almost hit the windscreen. I unfastened my belts in a hurry and jumped off the camper. I dashed to the ditch. And stopped dead. I saw a newborn’s head wrapped up in some rags.

„Thomas!! Come here fast!” I rushed my husband.

He ran over in just a fraction of a second.

„What’s happening here?” I did not answer his question because he went as white as a sheet.

He reacted instantly. He grasped the bundle in his hands and pressed the child’s lips to his ear.

„He’s screaming!” We were both shocked.

Looked around us. We were in some completely desolated place. There were about 100 kilometers to the closes towns. I took the baby to our traveler house. I put it falteringly on the counter for preparing meals.

The baby was sleeping peacefully, too peacefully even. I gently unwrapped the cloths enveloping its body. It moved slightly, but didn’t open its eyes.

„Perhaps, it’s intoxicated with some substance? Or something gives it pain?” I asked my husband. But he only shook his head. He knew even less about children than I did.

Unfortunately, we hadn’t been parents. We wanted this one day, but it just didn’t turn out. So to avoid falling into despair and yearning for something unreal, we invented a new desire – travelling. We didn’t have a kid so we didn’t need to spend as much money as our friends. We started to invest cash in our new passion. After several years we bought a second-hand camper. We scored a bull’s eye. Finally we didn’t need to rely on discounted air tickets, wait in queues to get to a bus and stick to train routes. We went where we wanted to and stopped in spots that we liked most.

I hugged this tiny little thing. I was getting used to this strange situation. The kiddie moved without haste and pressed his miniature head against my chest. I looked at my husband. Haven’t this child fallen from the clouds for us?

„We need to find some shop as soon as possible, buy food, some diapers.” I ordered.

„This can last for a while.” My husband looked at me uncertainly. „Good!” He nodded. He knew that nothing could persuade me to do otherwise.

Thomas sat behind the wheel and turned back to the city we had arrived from. We preferred to go back to the area we had already explored. I tried to give the baby some water. I acted intuitively. I dipped my index finger in boiled water and gave it to suck. The boy must have been thirsty, as he was collaborating willingly.

After 3 hours or so we arrived in front of the supermarket. I bought literally all what we needed. And I wouldn’t let the baby out of my hands. My husband wouldn’t protest, but I could see that he was not exactly thrilled with my strategy.

When I went away from the counter, I ran in the direction of our camper. I started to nurse the child straight away. I washed him in a large washing bowl. I greased his soft skin, changed its diapers and clothes. I sat on a bed to feed it. The boy was really quiet. Practically speaking, he didn’t whimper even once.

„I think we must take it to the police or to the hospital.” Thomas started the conversation very slowly.

„Look, he feels so good with us. He doesn’t cry and feels safe having us around.” I said, having my eyes riveted on the child.

„But you must be aware that we cannot keep it.” My husband was trying to subtly negotiate the child’s future with me.

„And you must be aware what is going to happen with him! He will be taken to the hospital or orphanage. All his life he will keep wondering how does a real house look like.” I got upset.

„We were waiting for a child for so many years. Now the faith sends it over to us, and you expect me to simply give it away?” I said with a beseeching voice, didn’t want him to rob me from the happiness that I was waiting for such a long time.

„Martha, I beg you! You know that it is not a movie. Can you even picture it? After one month holiday we are going back home with a several months old baby? How will you explain this to your family? How do you want to carry him across the border to Poland? How can you be sure that someone just abandoned it? Perhaps he was kidnapped and his real parents are looking for him now?” Thomas remained unyielding. And he was right. I wasn’t thinking sensibly. I was driven by a maternal instinct, still flickering in my heart. I thought I came to terms with it a long time ago, but emotions were stronger than me I guess.

All other events were happening somewhere behind a thick glass. I turned off my emotions. We reported finding a child to the police. Officials initiated all possible procedures. Until the matter will be resolved, the child was to be transported to the hospital for observation. We decided to come back home earlier than we intended to. I didn’t feel good. Psychologically and physically.

I decided that I must take same time and recover. And even though I wanted to hide in my house and put on a cap of invisibility, people were visiting us to hear our travelling stories. We would avoid mentioning the child, it was too painful for me. I felt as if I had lost it. I know that I didn’t even have right to think like this. Days were passing, but I was feeling even worse. I was worried that I got infected with something.

„Thomas, we need to talk.” I stood pale in the doorway.

„Good God! What happened? Are you sick?” My husband dreaded the worst. I just came back from my doctor.

I described all my symptoms and told her that we were abroad recently. Then she suggested that I should make a pregnancy test. I made it, although it seemed so absurd.” I said with a lump in my throat.

„And???” Thomas went pale just like I did.

„We gonna have a child!” I exclaimed and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Happiness and emotions were very strong that day. When we cooled down, Thomas told that he also wants to tell me something.

„When we gave the kid back to the hospital, I asked the nurse who took care about him to give me a call later. Just wanted to know what will happen to him.” My husband intrigued me.

„You know something, don’t you!?” I screamed impatiently.

„Unfortunately, the child was abandoned, by a juvenile girl probably. They found her, she waived her parental rights.” Thomas was giving me an account,

„Now you see…” I said reproachfully. Another tear swelled into my eye, why didn’t we give this child a house?

„Wait!” Thomas cut in. „Their system works better than ours.” The boy was given to a similar couple that was struggling to have a baby for many years. He found a house, do you understand? We did a good deed. We helped the parents and the child to find each other. Now I know that this is why we have received this miraculous prize!”

„I must be dreaming a dream.” I hugged my husband. I was finally feeling true happiness.

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